just the other side of me

he says :"catch up with you soon"

so does this mean, we really gonna be friends forever?


i dun wan to be friends only.

posted by sAmaN+h4 @ 10:41 PM 0 comments

we'll say goodbye for now.
we'll be friends for the moment.

all these happen when theres still alot of things that we've not done together.

we've not go to the zoo together,
we've not go overseas together.
i've not show you how i looked in the new blouse that i bought.

can we do them in the future?
i dunno.

i tell myself not to cry,
i tell myself to be strong.

i know its hard on you also,
and thats y if u will be happier with this decision,
im willing to let it be.

do u still rmbr when u last hug me?
do u still rmbr when u last kiss me?

i tell u, i still rmbr.
its on the day when we last went dating together, 8th May 2007.

its our 15 months together.

will there be a 16, 17, 18 or even 100?




i feel so terrible now.

posted by sAmaN+h4 @ 5:52 PM 0 comments

after reading men frm mars and women frm venus...

i realised,

i suddenly can understand how u are feeling.

i regretted the way i chose to live the past week.

but...


u cannot deny u sent me a sms, telling me u dunno if u still love me as much.

should i trust the book?

should i trust your sms,

or should i trust my feelings?

im still v confused of my own feelings, even though im feeling better.

but, i promised myself not to contact you, until u step out of your cave and contact me.

posted by sAmaN+h4 @ 7:33 AM 0 comments

how can it hurt so much?

maybe its really my retribution for not loving u enough in the past.

when u said u dunno if u still love me as much, my heart went numb.
y is it that at this period of time, when im at my weakest, when my heart couldnt take any more toll, you chose to be so honest and tell me the truth.

how do u expect me to continue breathing bravely?

u said u may not have a conclusion in 2 weeks time, but we'll still go out as usual,
den wad for make me suffer like hell now?





ahh. wadever. im willing to suffer all this.
i think im crazy
but wad to do?
i love you so much.

posted by sAmaN+h4 @ 12:22 AM 0 comments

i never fail to cry at every episode of the 9pm show.
for every episode, there is sure a scene which will make me cry.

today, i cried because ziling said something when she was standing at the rooftop, looking down.
she said: "when i look down from here, all living things seemed and looked so small to me. this world is so big, and we must really have the fate to become husband and wife"

how true is that?

its fate that brought us to the same school, same class, despite me living in the east and you over at North.

its fate that i've accepted you into my life, and from then on, i love you so much.

i dun wanna let go this fate.

i keep looking at my phone,
so afraid that it may ring anytime, and i miss the opportunity to pick up.

i look and look,
re-read my sms over and over again.
and i wonder....


when will u actually call.

posted by sAmaN+h4 @ 7:57 AM 0 comments

i finally saw you today.
although i have to do it discreetly,
but im not going to complain, cos i got to see you.

did i tell u before, i dun like the red shirt u are wearing today?
haha. but as long as you like it, im ok with it.

i saw our ring our ur ring man,
i cried, but this time round with a smile on.
sometimes, all the assurance i need is really simple.


how long have you not seen me?
how long have you not talked to me?
how long have you not hold my hands?
how long have you not hug me?
how long have you not kiss me?
how long have you not say u love me?



im losing all the warmth already. are you?
you know wad, i really lost the sense of security that you used to give me.
but thats ok.

i know it can be earn back in the future.

sometimes, when i think if us,
im laughing at myself who used to think that she can live without you.
im not gonna let you go.
im even willing be the one to be dumped by you.
cos i love you.

posted by sAmaN+h4 @ 7:09 AM 0 comments

its so tired to be happy.
but i gotta show you im alright.
im happy.
im happy.
im happy.





im not.

posted by sAmaN+h4 @ 10:34 PM 0 comments

i finally master all my courage to send u a good night msg,

yet i only received 5 words back.

"good night 2. take care".


sound like we a such a distant friend.


uncontrollable tears is on duty again.


am i really asking for so much?


y do you always have the ability to make me cry?


can i go down to taka sqaure to take a look at you tml?
i'll make sure u wont know im there.
just a little peak to satisfy my cravings for you.


y do i sound so pathetic?

posted by sAmaN+h4 @ 8:39 AM 0 comments

how i wished u know how im feeling now.

i feel so helpless.
i feel fear.
i feel anger.
i feel relieved.
i feel confused.
i feel so messed up.

looking at my phone, hoping you will call to at least say a "good night"
i waited and waited.
no calls. silent. still.
i start to wonder if i should call u instead.
i keep my fingers to my keypad,
key in your number,
delete your number,
key in your number again,
take a deep breath,
wanted to press the call button,
but i pressed the hang up button instead.
tears streamed down,
y m i struggling so hard,
y m i crying so hard,
just because i only wanted to say "good night" to you.

i feel so lost.
i really dunno wad to do.
it sux so much not to know what u are doing, how are you doing.
"hey, what is ah huat doing now?" "eh, today y nv go out with your boyfriend?"
all this questions,
i have to answer with a smile,
yet my heart is bleeding, yelling for help, hoping that i will nv face these question again,
because, the answer is " I HAVE NO IDEA"

it really hurt me real bad when u said u enjoy single life the past few days,
when i thought of u every moment,
trying so hard to stop my tears from flowing, so i wont worry my parents and friends.
im almost living in hell.
and u said u enjoyed the past few days.

u asked me y i didnt trust you.
will u trust me, if u were me?
saying u want a break out of sudden, telling me u dont know if u meant what u said and did the past weeks,
telling me you dont have the urge to go out or meet me.
tell me, after hearing all these,
dont i have the right to doubt?
these cruel reality, i wondered i survives.
solely on the smses u sent over the past weeks, saying you missed me, u love me.
yet on the other hand, i have to think if u meant want the sms states.
thoses smses are like my medicine, yet poison.

im willing to go through all these sadness, sufferings,
giving you time and space at my expense,
cos i loved u. i loved you to the extent that i couldnt believe that i loved you so much,
which allow me to accept all the harsh words u said, your personality, ur character, ur stubborness.

now i missed you so much,
yet i dont dare to give u a call.
so afraid that i might irritate you.
so afraid that u feel im pressuring you.

but who is gonna understand my plight.
im feel so breatheless,
that i feel that i might as well die.

posted by sAmaN+h4 @ 2:08 AM 0 comments