i feel so helpless.
i feel fear.
i feel anger.
i feel relieved.
i feel confused.
i feel so messed up.
looking at my phone, hoping you will call to at least say a "good night"
i waited and waited.
no calls. silent. still.
i start to wonder if i should call u instead.
i keep my fingers to my keypad,
key in your number,
delete your number,
key in your number again,
take a deep breath,
wanted to press the call button,
but i pressed the hang up button instead.
tears streamed down,
y m i struggling so hard,
y m i crying so hard,
just because i only wanted to say "good night" to you.
i feel so lost.
i really dunno wad to do.
it sux so much not to know what u are doing, how are you doing.
"hey, what is ah huat doing now?" "eh, today y nv go out with your boyfriend?"
all this questions,
i have to answer with a smile,
yet my heart is bleeding, yelling for help, hoping that i will nv face these question again,
because, the answer is " I HAVE NO IDEA"
it really hurt me real bad when u said u enjoy single life the past few days,
when i thought of u every moment,
trying so hard to stop my tears from flowing, so i wont worry my parents and friends.
im almost living in hell.
and u said u enjoyed the past few days.
u asked me y i didnt trust you.
will u trust me, if u were me?
saying u want a break out of sudden, telling me u dont know if u meant what u said and did the past weeks,
telling me you dont have the urge to go out or meet me.
tell me, after hearing all these,
dont i have the right to doubt?
these cruel reality, i wondered i survives.
solely on the smses u sent over the past weeks, saying you missed me, u love me.
yet on the other hand, i have to think if u meant want the sms states.
thoses smses are like my medicine, yet poison.
im willing to go through all these sadness, sufferings,
giving you time and space at my expense,
cos i loved u. i loved you to the extent that i couldnt believe that i loved you so much,
which allow me to accept all the harsh words u said, your personality, ur character, ur stubborness.
now i missed you so much,
yet i dont dare to give u a call.
so afraid that i might irritate you.
so afraid that u feel im pressuring you.
but who is gonna understand my plight.
im feel so breatheless,
that i feel that i might as well die.
posted by sAmaN+h4 @ 2:08 AM
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