treat it as my secret diary ba.
things haven been running smoothly for me.
i've seems to have lost the power to engage with jiayi, huixian and huimei.
everything between us felt so superficial and surface.
i dunno if im sensitive or wad, but it juz gave me the feeling that jiayi is blocking all my means and ways to feel closer to them.
i hope im not under much influence of huat for me to feel bias against jiayi.
i dun wan this to happen cos i treasure her as my friend.
we still got to work for 1 more sem for the remaining projects especially BD.
there were so much things that we could talk about in the past.
but now...i really have no idea whats their hot topic about.
i felt like an outcast, trying so hard to fit into their world.
i find myself so disgusting.
yucks!
and i seems to lost balance within me.
i feel so out of place now.
its juz so not me.
i wanted to avoid everyone especially the girls.
i wanted to do everything alone.
i keep telling myself thats because im independent and i dunnid to feel the belonging-ness.
what it seems like its an excuse for me to hypnotise myself and to cover the fact that im actually distancing away from my frens.
i personally feel that all this cant really blame them.
as its me who spends so little time with them.
i deserve the outcome now dont i?
i sow my own seeds.
if i spent that little amount of time with them, that will be that much of attention i will get from them.
jehanne once said to me that for a relationship to work out well, u muz sacrifice the time u have for ur friends to ur bf.
is this worth it?
huat asked me to think about this question.
improving my relaitonship with huat at the expense of my r/s with my frens.
is it really worth it?
i always believe that there must be a balnce to everything.
and i must admit that i've been spending much more time with huat than with the girls.
but i dun understand why he feels likewise.
haiz.
i tried to spend more time with them,
but end up running away again,
cos i feel so not welcomed.
as if im juz another celine.
they didnt really inform me of outings and stuffs.
haiz.
is this really worth it?
should i write a letter and tell them how i feel?
we're going hk together...and i dun wan us to feel weird.
or rather, me to feel weird with them.............
save me anyone?
posted by sAmaN+h4 @ 8:47 AM
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