i removed our ring from my ringman and place it back into the box.
i deleted the sms-es saying "i love you, i miss you" from my inbox.
i took off our neoprint from my wallet and put it back into my neoprint box.
im trying so hard to treat u as a normal friend.
but as im trying, my heart is also aching.
i still dun bear to give up,
but i must.
i tot i should feel happy when i saw your nick "empty minded, totally no mood to do anything"
yes, i did felt happy, for i do not want to see that im the only one who was feeling that way too.
but happy for a moment only.
cos i felt so blessed to have mandy, shun wei and wenna to walk through this dark period of my life.
they are with me, seeing me cry, comforting me, drying my tears, giving me hugs during this crucial period,
and thats what makes me decided to stand up again.
but when i think of you, do u also have pple to go through this period with you.
i worried that u are sad alone all by yourself, and i dun wan to see that.
for this time round, im not the one to comfort you, dry your tears, cheer you up, and be there for you anymore.
my heart ached whenever i feel that you are facing all these alone.
it doesnt make me feel better in the end.
but wad can i do?
we've chosen this path isnt it?
whatever it is, i hope everything goes well for u.
its really inevitable that im thinking so much again,
when im home-alone.
u know, how bitter i felt yesterday?
i skipped lunch, so i can knock off at 4.30pm and rush down to taka to take a look at u.
i reached taka at 5, u werent at the counter.
and so i waited.
waited and waited.
6pm, u're still not there.
6.15pm. stil not thr.
wanted to give up at 6.30, but i finally saw u.
but i regretted waiting for u to appear,
only to witness something i dun wanna see.
i saw the missing ring on ur fingers,
and u being really happy.
i cant help but to think how can u behave like this when im actually so down.
arent you supposed to be down also?
ok, maybe im unreasonable, and u have ur every rights to be happy.
u sent me an sms that really work my tear glands again.
alright.
i get it now.
we are friends.
even if we meet, we'll still be friends.
we are friends because u feel stress comitted to a r/s.
all these. i think for the whole night,
and i really feel that u are bullshitting.
u just dun love me as much anymore.
when i intiate a break for 3 times last time,
u tried so hard to salvage,
and u wanted to salvage it because u love me.
and when we hug and kiss and stuff,
u loved me,
thats y u didnt feel stress committing in a r/s at all.
somehow i feel so cheated,
by u, trying to pin a false hope in me.
im carrying the hope everyday, every moment,
pining u to be back by my side.
u make me feel as if im not worthy anymore.
i know that from the beginning that we dun love me as much anymore,
just that im too weak to face the reality.
now im gonna face it.
brave and strong.
cos just like what shun wei says,
i still have some self-worth in me.
yes, its true that i still love you.
but u dun love me as much anymore.
as for the future, i really leave it to fate.
